The Truth about People Pleasing…
/I often wonder what we would think of each other if we could really see the heart, hear the thoughts or know what is motivating people. Recently, I have discovered I am somewhat of a people pleaser. I genuinely hate it when people are mad at me, hurt by me or indifferent towards me. I lose sleep over it. This is such a dangerous way to live! It causes me to do things simply to please people, regardless of whether or not I want to do it, should do it or am able to do it.
There is an acceptable way to act in society, and, for the most part, people play their part. They conform to the roles that society both expects and accepts of them. Here, then, is the question: is that who they really are or who they are pretending to be?
To illustrate this point let me tell you a story….
My kids go to a Christian private school here in town. It is an amazing school full of amazing people. However, as with all schools there is an issue, a major issue, with this school. I deal with this issue twice a day, attempting to keep my cool and be as “Christian” as possible. Anyone who has kids already knows what this issue is…
Carpool. That’s right, the carpool line. Except at my kids’ school it is sort of a free for all, especially on the high school side. So the other day as I was attempting to drop Cooper off, I accidentally cut off another minivan behind me. I glanced in my rearview mirror and I could tell that this mom was very annoyed with me, but because we were in the carpool line at our kids’ Christian, private school she could not react to show her annoyance. She was forced to silently grip her steering wheel, glare angrily and think what an idiot I was. I know this because I have seen that look on my own face, many, many times.
This incident got me thinking about the way we pretend. We conform to the situations we are in, which sometimes can be a good thing, but can also be a cover up for ugliness on the inside. I began to question my heart. In some instances, the way we pretend to be should actually be what is in our hearts. There are times, however, that the pretending masks the ugliness we feel towards one another, the anger we suppress, or the issues we refuse to address. It is easier to cover than to make someone angry,or disagree or have conflict. It is in the masking that these issues silently stew within us and make our hearts uglier and uglier.
It isn’t a carpool issue, it is a heart issue. Psalm 26:2 encourages us to ask God to examine our hearts, to test its motives. That is a scary thought. I know some of my motives, I know some of my thoughts. They are ugly, towards people and towards myself, and I would never want anyone to know what those things are. Here is the rub, God already knows those motives. He knows when we do things in order to receive the glory for ourselves, for that pat on the back. He knows when our heart motivation is self-serving rather than God-honoring. In all honesty, I struggle with this. It is hard to have pure motivation for doing things. We want the thanks, we want the praise, we want to please people. Jesus has some very particular things to say about this in Matthew 6…
“Watch out! Don’t do your good deeds publicly, to be admired by others, for you will lose the reward from your Father in heaven. When you give to someone in need, don’t do as the hypocrites do—blowing trumpets in the synagogues and streets to call attention to their acts of charity! I tell you the truth, they have received all the reward they will ever get. But when you give to someone in need, don’t let your left hand know what your right hand is doing. Give your gifts in private, and your Father, who sees everything, will reward you.”
When we ask God to examine our hearts, it is to remove the selfishness and pride. The desire for praise causes us to serve and love selfishly. In my heart I long to please God, but there are days I choose instead to please people. In my heart I long to do things to honor God and give him glory, but there are days I desire praise for myself. These are the motivations we have to face head on, to repent and give over to God. So that we are no longer pretending not be be angry, but we are actually not angry. This is how we can live our lives to please God and not people, daily repentance and surrender.
People- pleasing is a dangerous way to live, no matter who you are or what you do. We must find a way to live our lives to please God, to honor him and give him praise.
So what motivates your heart today? What ugliness is lurking there? There is no hiding it. Try confessing it and surrendering it to God today.
God wants to use each of us. His plans are so much bigger than ours. I know my pride and selfishness have derailed me a time or two. My prayer today is to see the plan of God for my life fulfilled, to surrender to Him today and everyday.
